Rules of Engagement for Adults
This page defines what constitutes ethical behavior by adults in the NUK the World community. We know and expect that adults are going to read and post here, so we feel it's better to approach this topic directly and unambiguously. We recognize that the vast majority of adults who participate here have the best of intentions. These rules are in place to keep everyone safe and accountable.
Many of us adults can think back to our formative teenage years and name a small handful of individuals who shepherded us through the complexities of our emotions and sexuality. These adults spoke to us with kindness and patience, teaching us many valuable lessons about ourselves and humanity as a whole. The intention of these Rules of Engagement is to provide a written guide in place for how we, as adults, can provide the same level of support to the younger members of our community today, appropriately and safely.
These rules are based on the mods' actual, real-life anti-child-abuse training. They are intended to set clear boundaries on what contact is appropriate and what is not. To that end, what follows are our expectations for adults who choose to participate on NUK the World. All adult moderators are strictly bound to these rules as well, and it's extremely important that you follow them too, for the protection of our younger members as well as yourself.
Rules specifically for adults to follow on NUK The World:
- Follow all rules from our main Rules page, setting a strong example for teens.
- Be honest and transparent about your age. It should be clear from the tone and wording of your post that you're contributing as an older voice. In the same vein, be honest in general.
- Don't solicit private messages from any underage user, and don't PM underage users to "get to know them better." That's called grooming and it will get you reported and banned. Any PMs sent to underage users should be limited in topic and scope to specific concerns that would not be safe to discuss publicly. This would be equivalent to the "never be alone with a child" rule in place with almost all professions and volunteer positions involving minors. You are much less likely to be accused of inappropriate contact if your actions are publicly auditable.
- Avoid making any comments that could be seen as flirtatious. Examples would be "you sound really cute" or "I bet you look great in pull-ups."
- Do not give gifts, physical or virtual, to minors, for any reason.
- Avoid asking for any unnecessary personal details. For example, if a kid was asking "how can I buy diapers?" you shouldn't ask "where do you live?" Instead, ask "do you live out in the country, in a small town, or in a city?" That gives you the information you need to answer their question, without pressuring them to divulge specific identifying information.
- Don't share excessive information about yourself - doing so can be manipulative, as it can cause teens to feel pressure to divulge information that they shouldn't. Avoid burdening them with your own problems and struggles - it's unfair for a person much younger and less experienced than you to feel pressure to support you through a difficult time in life. Seek counsel from people around your age or older for help with your own problems.
- Tread with extra caution on any posts asking explicitly sexual questions. I hesitate to write any guidance on this topic at all; there are many legal implications arising from discussing any sexual topic with teenagers, and I don't explicitly endorse responding to such topics. However, I also recognize the role of the Internet as an anonymous forum where younger folks can seek answers to questions they would be too embarrassed to ask in real life. It's important that any sexual advice or opinions offered be focused on safety and self discovery. If you feel that you can offer a quality answer to a question of this nature, please respond frankly without being any more explicit than absolutely necessary.
- Don't draw too much attention to yourself. This is their space, and you are a guest there. It might not be appropriate to respond to a "what diaper are you wearing?" post, especially if you're a real grown-up with your own place and a credit card. If they're all responding with store brands and pull-ups and you reply with a picture of your closet full of ABU and Tykables diapers, you're trying too hard and seeking validation from the wrong people.
- In the spirit of the previous rule, be extra kind and respectful. Set a good example.
There are many of us who began exploring ABDL as teenagers. At the end of the day, this is a fetish, and it is sexual in nature. It's extremely important, for both legal and ethical reasons, that we as adults be sensitive to the stage of life TBDLs are in, and never take advantage of their innocence or ignorance. We were all there once, and it's so incredibly important that their environment enables them to discover ABDL, along with the rest of their sexuality, at their own pace as they are comfortable.
There are very few places on the Internet where today's younger members of the ABDL community can learn about this part of themselves safely. By respecting the boundaries set above I think we can really step up and set a good example for ABDL and the kink community as a whole.